More words rhyme with “pool” than “floc”. Leading the field are cool, fool and tool, which deal quite adequately with the opposition posed by rock, stock and cock.
But when you saw “FLOC !” did your mind entertain the rhyming potential of said word? Probably you saw it as just one more form of the vulgar f-word, customised for those who like to explode with a fricative flavour. You were wrong: FLOC is used exclusively by swimming pool owners who, after the water in the pool has turned the colour of a student health drink, carry a dangerous sample to the pool shop to have it tested.
“Sir, you must floc your pool.”
“But I do, every floccing day!”
Flocculation (verbal form: to floc) is the process of clumping particles together so as to concentrate waste water. For example, you floc a swimming pool when the water has turned an unwelcome colour, usually green, due to the presence of algae. After adding the required chemical (alum) the algae coagulate and drop nicely to the bottom of the pool where they relax before being sucked up with a vacuum apparatus and expelled to the outside world. Which is exactly what the gutter-bound water wants to happen. Water is an Houdini by nature and abhors being confined. If it can’t find a way through, over, out or under, its first line of attack is to turn green and dangerously stagnant. Early swimming pools had to be drained frequently for the pleasure of swimming to continue and it was only in the late 1800s that filtration became an effective method of removing dirt and insects and distributing chemicals to neutralise the bacteria.
But water is a formidable foe. It owns more than 70% of the planet and those little bits which find themselves watertightly contained by some fat form of fibreglass seek the liberation of the gutter and thence to the sea where they can be reunited with their parent body. Effective chemicals and filtration having cut off the route of expulsion, water will use its protean nature to wear down its keeper. Not only is pea-green unacceptable: crystal clarity will be demanded. “Have you seen the neighbours’ pool? The water’s so beautifully clear,” says the family, necessitating another visit to a floccing pool shop, dispensers of the pills and powders for pool pampering. And while you are there what about the latest technology in pool cleaners? That umbilical attendant you purchased to roam the pool waters as a guard against any impurities is no longer sufficient. Now some cordless thing which looks like the Mars Explorer and costs nearly as much has come to replace him.
“If you want to keep me confined, it’s gonna cost you,” is the message of water. And government is on its side: legislation requires that you fence your water in, bluely bound in the ground. Your pool lives in an expensive security complex of its own, with double-catch gates. But not content with this, it now needs to be covered by a blanket, a thick one designed to stop the water evaporating into hot thin air. With all the arms and legs these pool items have cost you, it’s surprising that you can swim at all. At least you do swim. Which is more than you can say for your children who begged and pleaded for these necessities. It is not the grass which is greener on the other side of the fence – it’s the water which is bluer. Why do the children swim endlessly at others’ houses but treat yours as if it’s filled with acid? You end up swimming on their behalf – it does save on electricity though as your lengths circulate the water rather efficiently.
From the air, swimming pools may sparkle like jewels; in the ground, they cost as much. As many as those who regret the jewel bought for romance are those who regret the pool built for family. Once seen as an asset, it is now a liability and water seems to have won its battle for liberation. But wait – don’t fill it in and create that rose garden. They say the next wars will be fought over water. You’ve been fighting forty thousand litres of it for years, you’re a seasoned campaigner, you know the enemy. You also know how to floc!
HOW TO FLOC A POOL
- Turn off the pump for 48 hours.
- Brush down the sides.
- Add two bags of alum.
- Add five cups of chlorine.
- Vacuum the pool to Waste (X2)
- Fill up the pool.
- Take a water sample for testing.
As children, making daily use throughout the summer of the swimming pool in our garden, “floc” was a word that failed to enter our vocabulary. “Diatomite” however was a word with which we became familiar. This incredibly fine powder, which my father added to the swimming pool’s filtration system, fascinated me. It was finer than talcum powder. A container of it would take and hold a perfect imprint of your hand or fist.